Out of the mouths of knaves

"We would have had -- had they not messed it up! -- things actually happening by 2008, " John Godfrey said. "Secondly, she's wrong, that we didn't have a plan."

"It's just not fair," he sniffled. "We could have done great things if we'd had more time and here they are on the world stage saying they won't let us use Kyoto to divide the country . . . and we thought we'd found a new way. . . a way to stick it to Alberta and please Quebec while making Ontario think we actually gave a damn about something other than power -- political power of course, not wind power -- only dorks care about wind power. Hell, wind can't vote, can it? No, of course that's convicted felons. Well, she should just shut up or I'm going to hold my breath -- right here, right now. And you can't stop me. I'll turn blue and die and it will be all Rona's fault."

The reliable, honest, upright and scrupulous Kofi Annan has deep and troubling concerns:

Although he didn't mention any country by name, outgoing UN Secretary General Kofi Annan called on voters to punish politicians who fail to fight for the environment. "I think the population and the voters should take the lead to let them know they consider climate change seriously and that there may be a political cost," he said. He painted the climate change issue as one of the world's most pressing problems. "Climate change is not just an environmental issue, as too many people still believe. It is an all-encompassing threat," he said.

"Personally, I think if we all just worry about the climate, we will be able to forget about trivialities like genocide and rogue terrorist states," Annan added, checking his watch. "We need to concentrate on the things we can't control, so we won't have to deal with the things that we could control if there wasn't so much darn money coming our way that are blinded by the graft." Annan pounded his fist on the table. "There is no greater way to avoid scandal and controversy. Divert attention and keep talking. It's our motto at the UN and it is the key to my family's great success and good fortune."

Both men feel certain that someone out there takes them seriously and neither sees the ineffective, scandal-ridden natures of their respective organizations as an issue in their personal credibility, but both men admit they make more sense when they aren't talking.

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