Tuesday, December 13, 2005

2 + 2 = whatever liberals say it does

Today in the NP (subscriber only) John Duffy (beer & popcorn co-believer) enlightens readers by 'decoding' Stephen Harper.

Apparently, there are 'carefully constructed' secret phrases all of us right-wingers use to send out coded messages to those who are 'us' -- all the while sending 'reassuring signals' to 'them' (those poor sods who didn't get that special decoder ring in their box of ammo.)

I won't worry about copyright. I'm almost certain Duffy would want to get his message out, lest we all fall for Stephen Harper's cryptic verbal cyphers:

Mr. Harper says: On child care, I will give parents a choice.
He means: I will immediately dismantle the Liberal national child-care program, which is flowing billions of dollars somewhere (who really knows where, after all this is the Liberals we're talking about. Daycare programmes are provincial jurisdiction so the money the Liberals are sending could go to build daycare centres or it could be going to create jobs for bureaucrats who are friends of Liberals or maybe it's going to be stuffed into plain brown envelopes and left on restaurant tables, or perhaps it'll go to buy beer and popcorn).

Mr. Harper says: I will have a free vote in parliament on same-sex marriage.
Mr. Harper means: I know, free is a word that successive Liberal governments have tried to expunge from the memories of Canadians. What I mean, is that each member of parliament will be allowed to vote his or her conscience. Conscience is another word that kind of got messed up under the Liberals. Anyway, a free vote gives legitimacy to which ever side wins the vote. If same-sex marriage wins, then opponents won't be able to say the vote was illegit. If the traditional definition of marriage were to win, we'd have to see. By the way, the 'notwithstanding clause' is not scary. It is a legitimate tool of our Constitution -- or else, why did the Liberals (who were in power during the drafting of the Constitution) allow it to be put there?

Mr. Harper says: On abortion rights, my party defeated a resolution to strike them down.
Mr. Harper means: My party has a policy on abortion -- even though many of our members are personally against abortion on demand, our policy states that the issue won't be visited by us when we form a government. We allow differing opinions within our party, but we realise there are some we can't act upon. A quick search of the Liberal website says they have no such policy. Why aren't Canadian women terrified?

Mr. Harper says: I will cut the GST by 2%; you deserve a break.
Mr. Harper means: Tax cuts of all sorts are a conservative idea. You know, lower taxes, small government. Remember, a surplus is only a good thing when it comes to your family's budget -- not the government's.

Mr. Harper says: I will get tough on polluters.
Mr. Harper means: The Liberals believe that treaties and speeches are good for the environment. Since signing Kyoto, Canadian greenhouse gas emissions have gone up 24% over 1990 levels – that’s 30% above target. (United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change report entitled Key GHG Data) Apparently Mr. Martin's hot air isn't working.

Mr. Harper says: My priority is tougher enforcement against criminals.
Mr. Harper means: I won't confiscate the legally owned, legally used property of Canadians, because I believe in property rights. The gun registry hasn't prevented 50 gun murders in Toronto this year, but it has cost a couple of billion dollars. Call me anything but Liberal, but I don't think that's value for the money.

Mr. Harper says: It is the responsibility of a prime minister of any party to have good relations with the US.

Mr. Harper means: Paul Martin is an idiot. You don't tick off your closest trading partner in order to score cheap political points in an election. Whether you like George Bush or not, the US is going to be next door for a long time after him, and after the Liberals are out of power. It's irresponsible to consistently antagonise an ally to try to provoke a fear response in your electorate. You can respectfully disagree on issues. Not all arguments have to be about creating fear and putting other people down. If you want to work with another nation on trade, it isn't good business or politics to spread innuendo and lies.

Okay, maybe this isn't exactly what John Duffy wrote, but if you have your decoder ring handy, you'll know what he meant.



Linda said...

LOL - you sucked me right in on that one, C.! But you've given me a great idea - next time someone asks me about my distinctive St. Francis Xavier U. 'X Ring', instead of saying I won the National Tic-Tac-Toe Championship, I'll be able to say that it's the secret decoder ring I got with my CPC membership...

Shameer Ravji said...

No kidding, I was asking myself if this whackjob is for real.

PGP said...

John Duffy.... why does this nob get so much space and time in Mainstream Media?

Chuckercanuck said...

loved it!

bob said...

It's obvious that Duffy and Reid are the low-roaders on this trip down Election Lane. Too bad PM Jr. can't help but get caught in the mud.

the monarchist said...

I read that too, Candace. Or rather quickly skimmed through his rather lame chicanery. This Duffy clown is nothing but a two-bit Martin-Liberal hack. Honestly, I can't believe the NP actually gives him the space to spout his hyper-partisan bullshit.

Candace said...

beaver - I'm Candace, Canadianna is Anna LOL. I only read bits & pieces of the original, but methinks John Duffy has been consuming illegal substances or something. Either that, or he should hit the beer & popcorn AFTER writing, not before.

Are people actually stupid enough to believe that? Please say it isn't so. Please.

Justthinkin said...

Sorry Candace(yes,the real Candace...lol),people actually believe criminals will now register their handguns cause Don Paulie has made them double-illegal, etc.
Great post Canadianna. You had me going until the second decoding. If Duffy had actually said something like that, Hedy would've been burning a cross on his front lawn..LOL